This blog has been created for those who want to keep up with my thoughts since I lost my baby in April of 2008. It is not a diary of my life. It is an outlet for my pain. As such, you will rarely read about happy or fun things we are doing, or see some sort of balance in my writing. Please remember this blog is about my journey of grief.
It is my hope that sharing my feelings will accomplish two things. First, to help others who are going through this, by maybe articulating some of their thoughts, and letting them know they are not alone. And second, to teach those who have never lost a child what it is like to go through it. The experience is more horrible than you can imagine, but chances are you will end up knowing at least one person who will have to deal with it first-hand. I believe it’s better for everybody if the bereaved do not have to suffer in silence.
If you would like to see Eliana’s online memorial and read her life story, feel free to visit eliana-parish.virtual-memorials.com. You can see all the things that I continue to do in her memory. Even in death, she continues to touch people’s lives.
Wishing you well, Deanna
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May 30, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Amber
Having buried two of my children I can say I understand your pain. I feel your pain. It is so unfair that babies don’t always get to live a full long life.
I shed tears today for you.
I am not going to say it gets better. It doesn’t. I buried my twins 37 years ago at the age of 11 1/2 months ( car accident ) and my heart is still shredded.
Take care.
May 31, 2008 at 3:22 am
linnic
I ran across your blog and went to your memorial site. I have no idea how hard this must be for you and your family. I can’t even imagine the pain you must be feeling. I will send up a few extras prayers for you and your family tonight.
February 5, 2009 at 10:33 am
uncensoredmind
Hi, i was hoping you could help me. i’ve read your blog many times but ive never had the “right” words to feel comfortable commenting. to that end, a not so close friend of mine lost her baby this morning. the little one was born premature on 12/20/08. i want to offer her a word or two of comfort, but am at a loss at to what to do or say. would you being able to point me to some resources that would be appropriate for this?
April 5, 2009 at 9:52 pm
N
You dont know me, but I just wanted you to know that your blog truly touched me, beyond what words can describe. I don’t have any children. I lost my first baby to miscarriage at 12 weeks in November, and had another early miscarriage in February. I know the pain I’ve felt from losing my two “babies” doesn’t even compare to the pain you must feel from losing your little girl, but the way you describe your feelings, how you feel about what other people say to you, holding on to whatever memories you have, I feel as if I can definetly relate. I guess I just wanted to say thank you for writing this blog, for putting your feelings out there without discretion, a lot of things you’ve wrote about are feelings I’ve had with no way of saying them out loud, even if your pain is a thousand times greater than what I feel you’ve helped me with putting my own pain into words. Thank You.
May 7, 2009 at 11:10 am
Doug DuBrin
Dear Deanna,
I genuinely hope you read my message, as our stories are eerily similar. I lost my daughter, Eliana (yes, same name, same spelling) at 7.5 months this past August 7th. I also have two surviving daughters (as I believe you do), Camila, 6, and Sofia, 4. Eliana died suddenly and unexpectedly in a horrible crib accident (I found and tried to revive her as my wife and kids looked on in horror). After reading your entries, it is clear that our grief experiences are analogous as well.
If you have the time, please respond to me, and perhaps we can establish a correspondence. My wife and I are both teachers, and the school year is coming to an end. This will allow us some time to connect with other bereaved parents.
Take care, and I hope to hear from you.
Doug
March 18, 2010 at 5:52 pm
Katherine
Deanna:
Your blog and your story of Eliana is unbelievably beautiful. Where she is now, she must still know the love you felt for her during your time together, above all else.
I don’t know what elsoe to say, other than I hug my baby and cry thinking of Eliana,
Katherine
August 21, 2010 at 11:02 pm
Michelle
Dear Deanna,
I lost my daughter to SID on July 9, 2010. She was 5 months and 3 weeks. I feel I am still in the nightmare. I still cannot accept she left me. My heart aches when I see another family lost their child. It’s soooo unfair!…….
Michelle
November 2, 2011 at 6:39 pm
crimson s
hi my name is Eliana and i cried today by reading your articals i hope your doing well
April 5, 2012 at 10:26 pm
Noelle
I came across your blogs today solely by accident. I saw a picture of Eliana with the caption ‘missing’. I instantly started to cry, and felt overwhelmed by her beautiful face. I didn’t know she had passed, but thought she was a missing child. When I read your entries I felt (still feel) engulfed by emotion. I am a Christian who struggles with issues of faith, healing and death. Through you pain, you said that we can never know why God allows what He does, or heals whom He heals. Many times, I’ve hated and cursed God for the injustices in this life. After reading your words, I once again feel that old forgotten, wholehearted ‘knowing’ that He is real. It’s been nearly a decade since I’ve felt any tinge of genuine faith. If you still believe in HIm, then I have absolutely no excuses. Today is Good Friday, and I can’t explain it better than to say that your baby’s precious face, and beautiful spirit, lept off the screen, and has resulted in a reawakening of my deadened heart. I will never forget the words that you had the courage to write, or the image of Eliana. Your beautiful, beautiful baby, is the hands of Jesus. I’ve never been more sure of anything as I am of this. I will never forget her image.