This was written on 5/25/08

I’m so tired. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of Troy and I not understanding each other’s way of dealing with this. I’m tired of hearing my girls ask me “Mommy, are you crying?” I’m tired of not being able to go to bed until 1 or 2 in the morning for fear that I’ll just lay there crying, so what’s the point? I’m tired of the ache, and of re-living her life and death every single day, every hour in my mind, over and over. I’m tired of the sobbing coming out of nowhere in public, of having to force it back down, and making me not want to leave the house because of it. I’m tired of clerks telling me to have a nice day, when I can’t imagine ever having a “nice” day again. I’m tired of this life I’ve been forced to live. I’m tired of missing my baby. I’m tired of trying to function with a broken heart and a bruised soul. I’m tired of dealing with other peoples problems when I feel like I cannot even deal with my own. There is no rest from the pain, and I’m so, so tired.