Warning-bitter post ahead:

I can’t begin to tell you how maddening it is when someone comes at me with “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.” This inevitably rolls off the tongue of someone who has never lost a child. I’m sure there are some people who have lost a child who truly believe this, but at least they have the good sense not to say it to me less than 2 months after my baby died.

I sit and think on these sorts of comments, made by people who are still whole, and who get to tuck all their children in at night. I have lots of time to think about it, since I don’t have a baby to take care of now. And I wonder why I got to be the lucky one. Oh, boy, thank goodness I’m strong enough that God thought I could handle it if He killed my baby. I guess I should be grateful He had that much confidence in me, right?

Well, who knows. Maybe I am strong enough to handle it. But what about all the people who aren’t? What about the people who become alcoholics in their desperation to numb some of the pain? Or who get addicted to sleeping pills because they can’t sleep at night anymore and are exhausted? Or who take their own lives in a last ditch attempt to escape the unbearable? Or those who go completely crazy and end up in a mental hospital? Or who just never recover from the loss and spend the rest of their lives as empty shells of their former selves? What about them?

Did God make a mistake? Whoops, maybe that person couldn’t handle it after all. Oh well, guess He’ll have to find someone else to snatch a baby from. I mean, does anyone really think about what they are saying before they say it? Has anyone thought out the implications of this phrase they so flippantly toss out at me?

I can already hear the argument coming back. Well, maybe those people weren’t Christians. Maybe their faith was weak. Maybe they were faking it. Fine, maybe that’s true. But if it is, then it invalidates the whole concept. It would mean that He did in fact give them more than they could handle. You would think He would know, being God and all, that those who don’t believe in Him are less able to handle it. Or are all bets off if they’re not Godly enough? For unbelievers it’s random bad luck, but for Christians it’s a test anyone should be honored to take?

People keep telling me how strong I am, that I’m doing such a great job getting through this. I guess if that’s true then I have a lot of work ahead of me. I’d better get started right away trying to make myself weaker so He doesn’t come and take my other kids too. ‘Cause you know He wouldn’t give me more than I could handle.

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