I wrote this about 2 months after Eliana’s death. When you lose a child, everything of theirs becomes sacred to you. This bear is my most precious possession out of her things, because it holds part of her.

What Remains

I can imagine the thoughts, the whispers, the looks

But I can’t bring myself to care

That I make people cringe when I tell them about

The blood on your teddy bear.

It ripped holes in my heart and tore at my soul

To see you lying there

And watch what you went through to leave

The blood on your teddy bear.

But that was nothing compared to the stab

When they said they could not repair

The problem causing you to shed

The blood on your teddy bear.

Part of me died when I walked out the door

With only a snippet of hair,

Some photos, some clothes, a blanket, a book,

And the blood on your teddy bear.

I had to come home to an empty house.

Now I wander around in despair

For the closest I can get to you

Is the blood on your teddy bear.

I close my eyes and in my dreams

I search for you everywhere

But the only part of you left for me to find

Is the blood on your teddy bear.

I write and cry and moan and scream

That life just isn’t fair

Because you are gone and all that remains

Is the blood on your teddy bear.

So people can laugh or recoil or whatever they wish

But I want them to be aware

That I’ll continue to cling to my memories of you

And the blood on your teddy bear.

I can’t let it go, for to give it up

Would be more than I could bear

Because all I have left to hold in my arms

Is a blood-stained teddy bear.

written by Deanna Parish

in memory of my precious Eliana

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