Today is the National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, and it’s also the day Eliana would have turned 8 months old. I lit one candle in remembrance of my baby, and some more in memory of all the other children who are no longer here. I wanted to share this with you, but I did figure a few people would not be overly impressed with this “DAY” since there seems to be a “day” for just about everything now.

This got me thinking about our vast array of holidays we can choose to celebrate. Talk Like a Pirate Day is one of my favorites. Not because I actually talk like a pirate on that day, but just out of sheer fascination that someone not only thought it up in the first place, but got enough other people interested that it’s become a “day.” Ever heard of What if Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day? What exactly are we supposed to do on that day? Just sit around wondering what kinds of mischief our pets would get into if they did in fact have opposable thumbs? I’ll tell you what the cats would do. They’d leave. Most of them don’t like us that much to begin with. A thumb would come in very handy on the front door. I’m sure the dog would be more than happy to give them a boost.

So I’m sitting thinking of all these goofy, meaningless days, and wondering why people have heard of things like National Go Barefoot Day, but they have not heard of the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Or why so many people would be much more comfortable with me talking about VCR Day, than they are with me talking about a day in remembrance of my precious baby who died. To tell you the truth, it’s enough to make me wish it was the International Moment of Frustration Scream Day. Too bad I missed that one three days ago. I guess I’ll have to settle for writing this blog post.

But really, folks, let’s get serious. Horrible as it is, children and babies die way more often than anyone wants to think or talk about. But being forced into silence leaves those of us who are grieving feeling very much alone. Is it any wonder we cling to each other when those who are supposed to love us spend more time running away or chastising us than they do trying to really care or help?

I would like to ask those of you who know someone who has lost a child to please, please, just call them up or send them an email and say you are thinking of them. Tell them you are remembering their child, and use the child’s name. Would you like it if we referred to your kids as “him” or “her” or “the baby” all the time? Or even worse, as “IT”? They have names. We love to hear them used.

Please reach out to those you know are hurting. We know you are uncomfortable. We understand. If you don’t know what to say, a hug or a sincere “I am here for you” would be fine. Just saying we are in your thoughts is a very nice thing to hear. Saying our child is in your thoughts is even nicer.

Make a Difference Day is coming up soon. I suggest you start making a difference right now, by showing some of the love we know is in your hearts. Love not shown might as well not even be there at all. We need your love, more than you can possibly know. You cannot fathom the depth of this pain, and we wouldn’t want you to. We just ask that you be here for us as we try to live through it.

Sincerely,

Deanna, on behalf of myself and the other bereaved parents

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