I was going through some of my old files a couple days ago, and I found this. I do not know who wrote it, so unfortunately I cannot give them credit. I’ll write more of my thoughts at the bottom, so you can read this first.

TO MY CHILD:
Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I
see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.
 
Just for this morning, I will let you choose what
you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.
 
Just for this morning, I am going to step over the
laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.
 
Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in
the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle 
of yours together.
 
Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone
and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the 
backyard and blow bubbles.
 
Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, 
not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine 
for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one 
if he comes by.
 
Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what 
you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess 
every decision I have made where you are concerned.
 
Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake 
cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them.
 
Just for this afternoon, I will take us to
McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you 
can have both toys.
 
Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms
and tell you a story about how you were born and 
how much I love you.
 
Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the
tub and not get angry.
 
Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late
while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.
 
Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for
hours, and miss my favorite TV shows.
 
Just for this evening when I run my finger through 
your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful 
that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.
 
I will think about the mothers and fathers who are 
searching for their missing children, the mothers 
and fathers who are visiting their children's graves 
instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers 
who are in hospital rooms watching their children 
suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they 
can't handle it anymore.
 
And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a 
little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that 
I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing,
except one more day.............

I remember reading this years ago, and it always made me cry. The strange thing is, I didn’t shed a single tear when I read it this time. I don’t have to wonder in terror about how that would feel if it happened to me. It already has. I’ve experienced all the regrets, should haves, what ifs, fears, and pain, and grief. I live with it every day. Reading about it from the perspective of someone who hasn’t gone through it doesn’t seem to affect me now. I guess I’ve wept enough over the actual event that I don’t need to weep over the possibility of it happening. Imagination is much gentler than reality.

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